Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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