Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
