I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize