Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
