Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
