The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
