Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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