Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
