I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
