Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
