So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
