Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
