We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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