this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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