I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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