the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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