So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
