I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
