were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
