bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
