are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
