Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
