I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
