My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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