I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
