90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
