I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
