you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
