I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
