Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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