Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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