I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
