So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
