first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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