The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
