I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize