for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
