I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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