That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
3pm strippers are depressing
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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