matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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