; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
