I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
