never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
