I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
