i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
