Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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