The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
