Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
