he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
