you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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