im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
