I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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