hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
