What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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