i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
