people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
