OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
