no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
