My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
