sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
