somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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