summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize