We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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