I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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