Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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