Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
