My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
