I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
