Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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