She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
love makes seman taste better
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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