she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You're like the curious george of whores
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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