i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
